Dear Virgil

I took this photo while"helping" Virgil DJ a set in Boston. (I mostly just stood there in awe.)

Dear Virgil -

You would love the new Justin Bieber album. It’s so melodic, just like you liked. You would’ve been in a black car out to Montauk blasting this album.

You texted me once: “Nyc needs you.” This isn’t true. NYC needs YOU. The world needs you. You need to come back. It’s so uninspiring here without you. We can trade places. 

I got into Stanford for their philosophy program. I want to tell you about it; you would love it. But I had to turn it down. My family doesn’t think I can pay back the loans. They don’t think I can make enough money, especially after my company failed. It’s been L after L.

I miss when people believed in me. Most importantly, I miss when you believed in me. You made me feel like I could reach heights that no one gets to touch in life. The world was unlocked for me when you were here. When you died, something shut off. 

I miss getting blueberry pancakes in Boston at 3am, and how that kicked off our friendship. You DJ’d at Bijou—literally Bijou, lol—before most people knew who you were. I was there though. I miss seeing Frank perform at Gov Ball with you. And Art Basel. Or blasting Drake’s “Gyalchester” or “Portland” in whatever city we caught up in. 

You asked me once: “What’s your dream job?” I didn’t have a good answer, and that’s probably part of my problem today. (I think I said working at Apple, or something generic.) If I was smart, I would’ve said it was working for you. I see the low resale prices nowadays, and they make me angry — I would’ve never let Off-White decline after your death.

I want to build something like you. I want to be someone. With my diagnosis, they tell me to live a small life, to be a nice wife, and just coast. It’s not enough for me though. My brain rages internally against this conflict.

If heaven is real, we know you’re up there spinning a set. But wherever you are — can you help me? Can you guide me? Can you show me the way?

I miss you. Thanks for believing in me while you were here. I’m sorry if I’m letting you down. 

AW